And we call ourselves Christians?

This all kind of just hit me. What kind of Christians are we?

There is this family in my church. And honestly, I can say that no one… in my church likes them. It’s really quite sad when you think of it. I mean they are different. Not the norm, especially compared to what our church is used to. But do they really deserve to be shunned and thought down upon? Hm…

This family, they want to be integrated, they want to be like us all. But we all know this is not going to happen. They are a family who by far are not normal with many different problems.  The mom and one son want to sing in choir. We let them, but I can tell no one is particularly happy about it (me including because the mom stands next to me and makes it difficult for me to sing).  I know when we sang today during service, that people were staring them down. Questioning. Criticizing. Mocking.

The dad, I don’t talk to him much. But he sits faithfully in church not so much distracted by others around him like the rest of his family is.

The other son, he is the main issue right now in the church. As I told my friend today, “the adults are on high alert with their kids around him.” And it’s the truth. I could see it with the way people were acting-- that they were watching the kids, especially the girls very closely especially when we was around. I mean I totally understand the need for this. He scares the life out of me. Today after service as I was leaving someone stopped me and asked me if I noticed him following me (‘oh great’ was my thought). My response to her was that I am oblivious to his presence so I do not really acknowledge him around.  And the person said “I think we all feel like that right now.”

Really? I mean I know he is not the kind of person that we all want to be around. I feel it. But as a church, as a body of Christ, are we really supposed to be this way?  Are we really supposed to avoid him, to ignore him, to act like he doesn’t even exist? This is not how Christ intended for his followers to act.  I can assure you that.

I don’t even know what to say. I don’t really know how to fix the problem. I mean there are more underlying causes I suppose, but I know God is not smiling down on our church. On the way we think, the way we look, the way we act (or lack there-of) towards this family. It’s not fair.

We are all God’s children no matter our lives, our past, or our current situation.

Obsessed

So I am re-reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan because it is simply that amazing. Chapter 8 is titled 'Profile of the Obsessed'.  It is about being obsessed over God.  I kinda wanted to write this out to make it almost like a declaration...  
that I want to be obsessed for my Lord!

"Obsessed: To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic"

"People who are obsessed with Jesus give freely and openly, without censure."

"People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else."

"People who are obsessed with Jesus live lives that connect them with the poor in some way or another."

"Someone who is obsessed with God is more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo."

"A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the sin of pride is always a battle; they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known."

"People who are obsessed with Jesus do not consider service a burden."

"People who are obsessed with God are known as givers, not takers."

"People who are obsessed with God are raw with God; they do not attempt to mask the ugliness of their sins or their failures."

"People who are obsessed with God have an intimate relationship with Him."

"A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the best thing he can do is be faithful to his Savior in every aspect of his life."

"And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions." Joel 2:28

Today during class, I know I should have been paying attention, but I think I had my first vision from God.  (at least from what I remember/recognize).  I have been thinking a lot about my future and whatnot.

When my team was preparing for Peru, we would have meetings and prayer & worship times and members of my team would see visions of our trip.  I kept thinking, “dude, I’m the one in love with Peru here… why am I not getting these visions??”  It was a little upsetting at first, but I tried not to let it bother me too much because I knew God had me going to Peru for a reason.

Today during class I was kind of not really thinking about anything, or if I was, it was about the Human Genome Project which we were going over in class. But the next thing I know, I am seeing myself holding this little African girl who is very sick and has no one to care for her.  Where in the world did this come from??  I mean I loved Botswana and everything, but I do not feel that my life calling is to be there.  I think Africa is a great place and it was a life changing experience going there, but I have no real worldly desire or passion to go back.  (as I wrote this, it hit me with the fact that this is a worldly desire, and not a Godly desire. They are so not the same thing!) But with me feeling this way, why would I have a vision like this?

The World Race every year goes to at least one African country. (Of course I would make it come to this because I have been thinking about the World Race a lot too).  

Maybe this was a vision of my future. 

Back to Africa again. 

Holding a sick little girl.  

  

Showing her the love of God.

Static vs Change

I went to choir practice last night. I enjoy choir. For the most part. But why am I in choir?? To sing songs for the Lord... right?  Last night during our rehearsal, I attempted  to sing the song as I was praising God (as I do when I am worshiping) but I just felt stupid, and this was to empty pews. Just think about it when there is the congregation on Sunday.
Anyway, sitting in choir, I realized that I do not want to go through the same year over again. I am tired of living the same repetitive life year after year. Every year, I sing in the choir, I sing in the praise bands, I read the lessons, I help with Sunday School.  It's almost predictable how my life is going to go. No Change. I feel Stuck.
I feel so stationary in my walk with the Lord. That I am not growing in Him at all. That where I am spiritually is where I have been for awhile. I need more! And I know I do, but I don't know what to do about it. But I know whatever I need is not here. I mean I love my home and my church, but they are not helping me develop into the woman God desires me to be.  
I try, but I feel like it leads to nowhere.
I do feel change coming. I don't know when. I don't know what. But I know God has something planned for me.
Please keep me in your prayers. That I would be willing to do what God is going to call me to do. That I would not be scared or ignorant of His calling and His plan for my life. But that I would embrace the change that is approaching.

Giving and Receiving

Hm. So this may not make much sense to most of you, I do not even know if it is going to make sense to me, but we shall see. I am just going to write and see what comes out while I am typing.
So I titled this giving and receiving because I just started to think about what one gives versus what one receives. We should always give freely without wanting to receive anything, but basically we all like to receive especially if we have given something, we feel the right to be repaid for what we gave. It's only fair....right?
Jesus gave and gave and gave. He gave His time. He gave His words. He gave his Wisdom. He gave His love. He gave His compassion.  He gave His life. He gave everything of Him during His time on earth.
Now why is it so hard for us to give like Jesus. We have seen the examples from the Bible, we know how to emulate that.. but it is so hard. 
I was thinking about recent events, just playing them over in my head and how I felt about receiving something or even the lack of receiving something.  But I should not be focused on receiving as much as I should be focused on giving.  Am I not receiving what I feel I deserve because I am not giving.  I merely think I am giving, but in reality am just standing in the back, in the shadows imagining. To get out of that, must I be up more giving all of me? I know the answer is yes, but exactly how?
I know this is addressing a really obvious topic, but I think my mind is working backwards and that this is not making sense to me for some reason. I am really confused about how I feel and how I am seeing these recent events. I guess Iowa and Peru will do that you.