I went to choir practice last night. I enjoy choir. For the most part. But why am I in choir?? To sing songs for the Lord... right? Last night during our rehearsal, I attempted to sing the song as I was praising God (as I do when I am worshiping) but I just felt stupid, and this was to empty pews. Just think about it when there is the congregation on Sunday.
Anyway, sitting in choir, I realized that I do not want to go through the same year over again. I am tired of living the same repetitive life year after year. Every year, I sing in the choir, I sing in the praise bands, I read the lessons, I help with Sunday School. It's almost predictable how my life is going to go. No Change. I feel Stuck.
I feel so stationary in my walk with the Lord. That I am not growing in Him at all. That where I am spiritually is where I have been for awhile. I need more! And I know I do, but I don't know what to do about it. But I know whatever I need is not here. I mean I love my home and my church, but they are not helping me develop into the woman God desires me to be.
I try, but I feel like it leads to nowhere.
I do feel change coming. I don't know when. I don't know what. But I know God has something planned for me.
Please keep me in your prayers. That I would be willing to do what God is going to call me to do. That I would not be scared or ignorant of His calling and His plan for my life. But that I would embrace the change that is approaching.
I am praying for you girlie. This is sad to read but totally understandable. You have done so much already in your walk and yet you are still young and have so far to go. It is difficult being patient and waiting to see what God has planned. I wish I could help you but it is all his will and he will lead you when the time is right. Even though you are feeling stagnet you are still a heavenly example to all of us and I admire the place you are in and the person you are now. I love you lots and I truly
ReplyDeletehope that things become clear for you sooner rather than later.
I understand the feeling because I have similar feelings. I think it is good that you are willing to change but that to make the best of what you are doing. I want to get involved in some sort of volunteer program! Be proactive! Look into things in your community or nearby city that you could be involved in or something. I will be praying for you because complacency is not where you want to get and growth is super important. It is a conviction for myself because I feel quite the same right now.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your heart, your struggles, very encouraging!