Could it get any worse???

So I think I can pretty much say it was a horrible day. One of the worst days in my life.  Last night I bawled.. a ton. And then I woke up with a really sore throat and a stuffy nose and pretty much felt physically drained and weak. So that started it out.  It was a blah morning. Things going slow. Then it all went downhill (down a huge mountain is more like it).  I won’t name specifics or anything, but everything little thing, bothered me.

And usually family get togethers I do get annoyed being so introverted and what not, but it takes a few hours, this morning it took like 5 minutes.  So I was already feeling like crap and then, I had to go to a funeral. I tried to be okay with people, but it wasn’t working. I tried not to think of it, but it wasn’t working.

So anyway, we go back to my apartment after the reception.. there is like 100 people there! Ha ha, that’s an exaggeration. There probably was like 20. It was so crowded. And people knew I was in a bad mood, and it would have been perfectly fine to me if they would have ignored me or avoided me or whatever they had to do, but of course they didn’t.  People kept bringing stuff up and doing things that annoyed me which just made everything worse.

I was so annoyed. I have not been this annoyed with anyone in a long time (and this is my family, how sad!!) I would snap at people, be rude, give dirty looks, anything you can think of that is wrong, malicious, uncaring.. I did it.

I feel horrible about it now. I feel like a jerk, but I couldn’t help it.  I think what made things worse is that in the beginning, I tried so hard to hold it in. I did not want to snap and ruin someone else’s day on this sad day for our family.  I tried to keep it all in me so that no one else had to feel as bad as I did. I took it all on myself. And it was just bottling up inside until… well I never officially popped, but I snapped at more than a few people.

I really need some alone time. Some Jesus time. Some quiet time.  

Last night on the phone, Daniel asked me what was God teaching me yesterday, I told him patience with my family. Did I really hear God telling me that or was I just giving an answer to Daniel. Obviously I know God is working on this in my life, and it was pointed out in our conversation for a reason, but I still ignored it and let the enemy get the best of me. Not next time!