I once was blind, but now I see.

So I had this dream last night. I will admit, it was pretty scary and at first did not make any sense…until I began to think about it in a biblical context.  The first thing I remember is that we would always be on a school bus, looking up to the person in front.  This lead person would force people to do some crazy and outrageous things.  I never really understood why they would listen to him and do what he says even if it was stupid.  In my dream, I felt really lost. Really confused. And really misdirected.  

The next thing I know, I am sitting closer to the lead person and he is now giving me instruction on what to do!  Even though I knew that he was crazy and that I shouldn’t listen to him, I couldn’t help it!  It was like he took control of me and had me do whatever he said.  His command for me was to ‘gouge out my eyes’.  Right there in front of him.  I didn’t want to. But the next thing I knew, I am tearing at my eyes, ripping out my eye balls from their sockets.  When I am done, I am blind. (well duh)  And the leader person is very please with me.

Since it was a dream, I was also omnipotent and could see myself from outside of my body.  So while all this was happening, I could see it from my personal perspective, but also from the perspective of an outsider.  I somehow maneuvered really well blind. But my eyes were pretty much big holes. They were deep holes of blackness. Nothingness. I was so disappointed and hurt and even more lost now without my eyesight. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to turn or who to talk to. 

I was somehow texting (yeah I am that good!) and trying to talk to someone about my issue (probably complaining). And then I am sitting down and my phone starts to ring. I did not want to answer it because whoever was calling I did not really know and had no desire to talk to.  But I finally decided to answer it, and the person on the other line (all I can remember is their name in my phone started with a P, but it was like a nickname), told me to turn to God. To give him my problem and he will take it all.  It took me a few seconds to listening and then in my dream I said “God help me!” 

At that exact moment, I woke up from my dream. My eyes flew open. I could see! Once awake the first thing I said was “Praise God (it was only a dream)”. The dream had me scared to go back to sleep.  That somehow I would really lose my eyesight. It was terrible.

Then today during church I was thinking about it, and this is the interpretation that came to me.  The leader person is the enemy.  He tries to control us. To make us do stupid stuff that goes against our nature. He will make us do anything (even gouging out our eyes) in order to break us down and make us incapable of doing anything.  The reason me and others on the bus listened so easy was that we were caught up in the world.  When we are too focused on our own lives, on worldly possessions and activities, this lets the enemy take control so much easier.  We are so distanced from God that the enemy takes a hold and controls us with no resistance.

Even though I listened and was controlled by the enemy, God was there. He was waiting for me to cry out to Him. To come to Him. To need Him. And the moment when I was re-focused on God, my eyes were opened and the dream was over!  And though God is always there, it stinks that in my dream I had to learn that after being controlled by the enemy, instead of being close and secure in God all the time.

Another small part of this which is specific to my case in my dream is that the enemy blinds us. He blinds us to the needs of this world and blinds us regarding our own potential. God is the one who opens our eyes and helps to be all that He has for us to be.

This dream really opened my eyes (literally) to following hard after God every day. To not let the enemy take control of my life ever again. I am God’s both now and forever.